I was leaving campus late one night my junior year after doing some work at the college radio station. As I pulled out of the school’s central parking structure, I came across the same three students I had seen only minutes ago wandering aimlessly in the opposite direction. I rolled down my window.

“Hey, where are you guys trying to get to?”

“The Segundo dorms,” said one of the two girls.

“Oh, OK. You guys just need to cut through campus by following that main road,” -I pointed- “all the way down about half a mile until you see a cluster of four large dorm halls. That’s Segundo.”

“Oh, ok, thank you!”

“Would you guys like a ride? It’s awfully cold out.”

The two girls smiled and their eyebrows spiked with enthusiasm. “Yes, please!”

The guy hesitated. “No, that’s ok. Thank you.” He held his arms out to block the girls from moving forward.

Only then did I realize it was 2 am in the morning and I hadn’t shaven in over a month. I half smiled, amused.

“Are you guys sure? It’s really no problem. It’s half a mile away.”

“No. We’re fine. Thanks,” he replied. The girls looked disappointed.

For the first and hopefully only time in my life I was on the opposite end of a P.S.A. commercial. I was playing the role of the dirty, shady potential kidnapper, and that freshman dude was the hero who did the ‘right thing.’

I thought about pulling out my school ID and proving myself a student. Then I considered bribing them with candy.

I drove off, feeling dirty and dejected, and all I did was innocently offer a group of cold, disoriented freshmen a ride.

Remember Kids!

Beards can keep your face warm in the wintertime, and they’re great for Grizzly Adams Look-Alike Contests, but every so often you will be mistaken for a rapist.