I was a precocious three-years-old. My mom, my dad, my newborn sister and I were doing something in a gift shop. What we were doing there and what kind of gift shop it was I’m not entirely sure. It’s not really important. You’ll find out why.

Growing up, I loved the Transformers. Optimus Prime was a complete and total badass, and Megatron - let it be known to all - was a world-class douchebag. That was my world. I watched the cartoons, I played with the toys and – to my parents’ frustration - I constantly sang/whistled/hummed the theme song. To say I was a fan of the show is an understatement of grand proportions. I was obsessed.

So there I was, kicking it in Ye Olde Gift Shop, admiring with curiosity everything that was within my two-foot-high line of sight, when I saw something glimmering in my peripheral vision. Turning to investigate, what I then witnessed completely destroyed my three-year-old grasp of the world. Sitting right in front of my very eyes was what appeared to be a man fused to a machine. He possessed an entire human body, but seemed to move around on a large pair of metallic wheels.

It was somehow equal parts man and machine. It was…a man-machine. No…it was a machine disguised as a man. It was a Transformer! Never in my wildest toddler fantasies did I think I might one day see a Transformer in the synthesized flesh. My rambling, inarticulate, tangent-filled prayers must’ve finally been heard, for the Lord had delivered upon me my very own cyborg.

My eyes grew wide with wonder. My bottom lip trembled with exhilaration. My right hand raised slowly with index finger extended like an accusing Puritan on a Salem witness stand.

Much later my mom said that she and my dad watched helplessly as the entire scene seemed to play out in slow motion.

”Mommy, Daddy – look at the robot!”

Suddenly my father scooped me up and both of my parents went over to apologize to the cyborg for any embarrassment or emotional stress I may have caused by outing him. We left the gift shop posthaste, leaving me unable to ask the robot for a transformation demonstration or where I could get my very own pair of wheel legs.